I had amnesia once — maybe twice.
I went to San Francisco .
I found someone’s heart. Now what?
Protons have mass?
I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that
money can’t make me happy.
If the world were a logical place,
men would be the ones who
ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a “free” gift?
Aren’t all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible
and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and
courteous in the home and,
when he grows up, he’ll never be able
to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left
when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists:
they don’t talk about other people.
I used to be indecisive.
Now I’m not sure.
How can there be self-help “groups”?
If swimming is so good for your figure,
how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
Is it me — or
do buffalo wings taste like chicken?