One of the things I hate about visiting the doctor is having to answer the question, “On a scale of 1-10, what is your pain level right now?”
If I am in pain, I’m trying to not think about how bad it is — I’m trying to ignore it so that it doesn’t feel worse! The little smiley faces do nothing for me. There are only two charts I have ever appreciated and neither of them are in use at any clinic or hospital I have visited: one was created by Allie Brosch of Hyperbole and a Half, and the other I found somewhere on the internet and downloaded for my own use:
However, since I don’t think the medical staff will, as a whole, embrace Allie Brosch’s chart and since I don’t have a great fear of bees, I find it necessary to create my own pain scale. This is much closer to what the doctor or nurse will observe when looking at and questioning me:
- I might need a band-aid.
- It’s annoying but I can live with it.
- It’s annoying and I’d like you to fix it.
- Please give me pain medication.
- Pain meds now, please!
- I am trying really hard to not cry or bite off your head. If I am not doing those two things right now, it’s only being accomplished by sheer will of pride.
- I’m not playing nice anymore. Take care of me! Can’t you see my ugly cry face?
- I can’t stop crying. Just fix me. Don’t ask me to make decisions.
- My needs are the only ones in the world.
- My pain level is equivalent to the very worst of labor and/or possibly death. I have experience with the former and I hope this isn’t the latter… or maybe it is and it’s all your fault!