Can you see yourself? I can!

• I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.
• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• I’m great at multi-tasking–I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
• Doesn’t expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
• Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
• Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
• Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
• When I married Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.
• There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
• Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
• Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
• I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
• I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.
• Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.