Can you see yourself? I can!

  • I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • I’m great at multi-tasking–I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • Doesn’t expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
  • Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
  • Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
  • When I married Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.
  • There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
  • Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
  • Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
  • I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
  • I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
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