- Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
- I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.
- Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter —– The Living Room or The Den.
- Homeschooling is going well: 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
- I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
- This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog….. we laughed a lot.
- Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
- My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
- Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
- I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
- I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I’m getting tired of Los Livingroom.
- Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
- Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”…. I’m offended.
- Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under
Spokalulu 
Hillarious! You started my Friday morning right. Now I’ll go mountain climbing. By that I mean I’ll walk down the hill to the edge of the driveway and retirieve the gardage can, then go back up the mountain. 🙂
Those are great. Had to keep the laughing down though
FUNNY! Especially the dog one.
Hey–just clicked on your name from your comment on Beth Woolsey’s blog. You’re hilarious…and poetic, too. Thanks for giving me my smile today. 🙂